Filling the hole of grief
This week we said goodbye to our oldest living pet Pocket, a black Dwarf rabbit. My husband and I have 11.5 years worth of love and memories welling up in the form of grief this week. It reminded me of something I wrote 5 years ago after the loss of our Kaya.
I was pleasantly surprised to discover that Me from 5 years ago helped Today's Me process my grief in a more positive way so I thought I would share it with you.
Pocket is the last pet we had that knew Kaya so I have included a photo of the two of them chilling together.
October 2015
Past losses have hurt far more and this doesn't quite make sense to me. How can I survive the loss of the single most influential fur-being in my life when others seemed so unbearable?
I think the difference lies in how I respond in those moments of missing her. In the past I would have focused on how empty I felt without my fur-baby. I would focus on the emptiness of the hole in my heart.
When we found out Kaya was dying I made a commitment that I would have 2 guiding principles.
1) Honor the deep love I have for her by feeling every ounce of the grief and not try to suppress it. I have stuffed enough feelings down my throat in my 45 years, I was not going to stuff these down too.
2) Spend as much time feeling gratitude for the 8 years 3 months and 3 weeks we had with this amazing gift. I have felt sadness and depression. I did not want to associate that with her memory.
The memories with her and of her are the best. I can even laugh at the times she got hit by skunks, got stung on the nose by bees and chewed up shoes/eyeglasses/hats. I do not want to diminish our time with her by focusing on the loss.
I can still produce a face full of big soggy tears but it is feeling easier every day because I am not letting that emptiness fester, I am soothing the pain with the aloe of gratitude.
Grief leaves a hole in your heart. You can either keep the hole raw and tender by focusing on the vast emptiness or you can soothe it by filling the hole with gratitude, Love and good memories.
I can still produce a face full of big soggy tears but it is feeling easier every day because I am not letting that emptiness fester, I am soothing the pain with the aloe of gratitude.
Grief leaves a hole in your heart. You can either keep the hole raw and tender by focusing on the vast emptiness or you can soothe it by filling the hole with gratitude, Love and good memories.
Sometimes we need advice from friends.
Sometimes the best advice we need can come from ourselves too.
That's something that I love about coaching. It's not the coach telling the coachee how to think, it is the coach drawing out what the coachee already knows to be true.
Sending you Love, Magic, and Happy Memories,
Marjorie
Marjorie, my heart and light is with you ... I'm so deeply saddened for your loss, but also so truly thankful for all the beautiful life and memories you shared with Pocket. I understand this grief too closely, having lost my 12.5-year-old Japanese Chin, Bean, on September 17. My other Chin, Bandit, and I still feel his absence, but we know he's with us in heart and spirit. 5 years ago's YOU can and will help today's YOU through the tough times, as you so gracefully pointed out. Such a positive way to look at it, and please know that you have the biggest hugs and much love and support coming at you from me and Bandit, all the Way from SJ :) The blessed moments are forever ... you carry them with you ... and Pocket and Kaya do, too ... (so, so many heart emojis!).
ReplyDelete