What DO You Want?

I love it when I see the same concept show up in different disciplines. 

When I went through training to be a coach, one of the phrases that was drilled into our heads was to ask our clients "What do you want?" whenever they start talking about things they don't want. It looks something like this...

Coach: What's important for your next job to include?
Client: I'd like a boss who doesn't micro manage me. I really hate that.

Coach: What qualities do you want in a boss?

If we want to move forward–make a change–we need to focus on thoughts of what we do want, not focusing our thoughts on the things we hate about how things are right now or have been in the past. 

Most coaching methods are centered in Positive Psychology which focuses on our strengths, our abilities, and the things that add to our well-being. It looks forward to what we want, it focuses time and energy on what's working, instead of what's not working. 

Work from psychologist Donald Clifton and author Marcus Buckingham advises managers in business to focus on the strengths of their direct reports because that is where you get the most from that person. They advise that instead of spending energy trying to correct what you're lacking, to dive deep into what you are really good at and try to get even better.

Doesn't that sound better too? I'd much rather spend time getting better at things I love than things I dread!

Why does the positive focus work? As humans we mostly base our actions on past actions. The habits we have dictate how we act most of the time. If you want to change something about your life, you have to consciously focus on changing your action long enough that it becomes the new habit. It takes a lot of energy to do that! (I'm sure I don't need to tell you that!) That's why we fall back into old habits so easily. That's why we "fall off the wagon." 

It's like driving on a dirt road, it takes focused attention to not fall back into the ruts. 

I saw the same message in different words come up in my spiritual devotion time. 

This week I pulled out a card from an Esther Hicks/Abraham deck. It said to think about what you want, not the lack of it because whatever you give your attention to begins the manifestation. Abraham advised that we should be as picky about our thoughts as we are about what we eat!

Today when I sat down at my desk to write, I saw this quote from Peace Pilgrim that I posted to my desk many moons ago. Peace said we should be as picky about our thoughts as we are about what we eat too!

"If you realized how powerful your thoughts are, you would never think a negative thought...I don't eat junk food and I don't think junk thoughts." ~Peace Pilgrim

When messages come to me from different directions like this, I perk up and take notice!  

Whether someone believes that the change comes about because of habit building and focusing on new actions, believes that it comes about because where we focus our energy is when manifestation starts, or is just being coached, the message is the same.

Shameless opportunity for me
to show off this photo of me
 with Marcus Buckingham

Focus on what you DO want. 

Here's some quick advice on how you can coach yourself on this.

1. Catch yourself when you think "I hate this", "this sucks", or something similar. 
2. Ask yourself, "What is it that I really want?" If you have trouble with this ask yourself, "What does disliking what's happening right now tell me about what I do want?" If you're really unhappy, you might have some challenges answering this question in the moment. That's okay! Once you can simmer on it, ask yourself then.
3. Don't worry if you don't know how it will come about. 

When you read stories about people who overcome great adversity, they don't do it by thinking about how miserable they are. They think about what they want, the future state, even if they have no idea how it will ever happen. 

So be a little pickier about what thoughts you let sit in your head.

I want the best for every single one of you! 

Sending you Love & Magic, 
Marjorie