Recipe for a Good Life

Every Saturday morning, I have a set meeting with a friend and coaching colleague. We check in with each other and do coaching on areas where we need some inner guidance or structure. And we do a lot of chatting and laughing too! (Without a doubt, good friends who you can laugh with is an ingredient in a good life for me!) Our check-in question has become "How many weeks did you live this week?" A tongue-in-cheek way of acknowledging that life has felt more full, compact, and fast. From what I hear from most of my friends, I am not alone when I say "I feel like I lived 2 weeks this week!"  This sense of time being wonky might also show up in phrases like "How is it only Tuesday!?" "It's Friday already!?" "How is it already time to stop work and cook dinner?" "How many days ago was that?" I could blame this on the pandemic and all the disruption it has caused, but I have to be honest and say that life felt that way before M...

This week we said goodbye to our oldest living pet Pocket, a black Dwarf rabbit. My husband and I have 11.5 years worth of love and memories welling up in the form of grief this week. It reminded me of something I wrote 5 years ago after the loss of our Kaya.  I was pleasantly surprised to discover that Me from 5 years ago helped Today's Me process my grief in a more positive way so I thought I would share it with you.  Pocket is the last pet we had that knew Kaya so I have included a photo of the two of them chilling together. October 2015 In addition to being a bunny mama, up until a week ago I was a poochie mama too. Our beautiful, vibrant girl Kaya left us to cross the Rainbow Bridge last Thursday. The loss of my "Poochie Girl" has left a sizeable hole in me and yet I still feel whole. Past losses have hurt far more and this doesn't quite make sense to me. How can I survive the loss of the single most influential fur-being in my life when others seemed so unbearab...

I love it when I see the same concept show up in different disciplines.  When I went through training to be a coach, one of the phrases that was drilled into our heads was to ask our clients "What do you want?" whenever they start talking about things they don't want. It looks something like this... Coach: What's important for your next job to include? Client: I'd like a boss who doesn't micro manage me. I really hate that. Coach: What qualities do you want in a boss? If we want to move forward–make a change–we need to focus on thoughts of what we do want, not focusing our thoughts on the things we hate about how things are right now or have been in the past.  Most coaching methods are centered in Positive Psychology which focuses on our strengths, our abilities, and the things that add to our well-being. It looks forward to what we want, it focuses time and energy on what's working, instead of what's not working.  Work from psychologist Donald Clif...

Having the shortest day of the year in my rearview mirror always gives me a sense of relief. Yes! The days are getting longer, the light is returning. I mentally and physically curl inward like the little brittle Autumn leaf and hibernate in winter. I get anxious to break open again in Spring. Right now, there are seeds hunkering down preparing to fulfill the wisdom of the universe and become a little plant in the spring. A great time for us to start thinking about what seeds we'd like to plant in the spring.  I don't think it's just a coincidence that my birthday is the first day of Spring and that I love the new seed plantings. I came to the self-awareness that my exuberance about so many things meant that in life I start a number of things that I don't finish (diets, craft projects, gardens). Sometimes the thing never gets past brainstorming and dreaming, but I do have a number of diet books, half-finished cross stitch and knitting projects, and barely-used online *Y...

Gratitude is the cozy feeling we get inside that lifts our energy when we think about all the goodness we have. If I can connect to the feeling of Gratitude in a stressful place it feels like I've put up a barrier around me that doesn't let any of the bad juju of the outside come to get me.  A sense of gratitude acts like an energy force field around me! Gratitude is the feeling . When we share our gratitude with someone else, we show appreciation. If you're like me, you probably used those words interchangeably for years. The Grammar Queen in me loves that I learned something new! Gratitude = feeling.  Appreciation = sharing gratitude feeling with someone else By my calculation, appreciation triples the goodness of gratitude . Before you show appreciation you had a moment of gratitude (#1). And you felt so good in that moment, you thought "I need to share this!" You seek out your friend in some way and you get another burst of gratitude joy (#2) while you give th...

Pause for a moment and think of 5 things you are grateful for right now. They can be anything from your partner, pet, or child to pumpkin spice lattes, chocolate or Funyuns. Think of 5 things that make your life a little better. (Stop reading now!) 1.... 2.... 3.... 4.... 5.... Sit with that a minute. More things may come to mind as you've opened the dam of gratitude in your heart.  After you've sat with that burst of gratitude, notice how you're feeling in your body. Do you feel just a little calmer, more centered, or relaxed? That is the goodness of gratitude! When you brought to mind gratitude for those 5 things, your hypothalamus released dopamine and serotonin in your body making you feel good! If you were feeling discouraged or resentful before you sat in gratitude, you might even feel a little more resilient and capable.  The work of  Robert A. Emmons, Ph.D, shows that when we can do this daily for a period of time, our determination, enthusiasm, and energy improv...

My husband and I love watching baking shows. One of our favorites to watch together is The Great British Baking Show. Each week, the participants adjust based on feedback, implement a new strategy that will result in a dish they'll be proud to present, and do their best to predict what the judges will enjoy. Contestants will do spectacularly some weeks, barely hang on to their position in the game some weeks, and eventually most fall to the bottom of the pile and have to go home. When conditions are harsh--like when they are asked to make an ice cream cake inside a tent in the middle of summer, you wonder how anyone will pull it off. You cheer on the winners and your heart hurts for the ones who worked so hard only to have their cake not set right and ooze out of the cake pan. What a metaphor for life! --- I have been looking for a recipe. Not for Baked Alaska or Yorkshire Puddings. The recipe for a good life. We all have a recipe that we've been working on but much like the re...